Early to Bed and Early to Rise

I wanted to do something drastic to shake up the funk that I'm in so I decided to give myself a 31-day challenge, tell everyone about it, and follow some very sage advice, "Early to bed and early to rise."

For the entire month of August I'm going to go to bed early (be in my bed by 9:30pm) and get up early (be up by 5:00am). This is going to be especially hard on the weekends but that's where I need it the most.

I'm excited to see the changes this will bring to my life and I'll make sure to keep you all in the loop. And feel free to join me if you want....I'll be the party pooper in my jammies at 9:00.🎉

What? Goals That You Can Actually Achieve?

It’s that time of year again. Time to make some new resolutions, which strangely enough will closely
resemble the same resolutions we made last year and the year before that and the year before that.

Ever wonder why we keep making resolutions every year when we never keep those resolutions and achieve our goals?

Most people would agree that goals are important. They would also agree that goal setting and achieving are needed to be successful in different areas of your life. Then why can’t we keep our resolutions past the first few weeks of January?

I would say that one of the main problems most of us have is motivation over time. And this is typically what that looks like:

1. We set a GREAT BIG GOAL (usually the same goal we’ve been setting for the past five years or more)
2. We are super motivated to get started and just know that “we are going to do it this time”
3. We plan out what we need to do to reach our goal
4. We start charging through the steps to reach our goal…for the first few days
5. Then POW! We miss a step or two and get off track or we run into a problem or we are too tired or it just isn’t working out and we just aren’t motivated anymore
6. And we shove that goal back into the closet to drag out next year when we are more motivated

So how can we carry that motivation into February and all of the other months in the year? How can we keep ourselves psyched to conquer that GREAT BIG GOAL?

It’s easy and a lot simpler than you think. You need to set one small goal that you can accomplish during the next week…I’m talking super small.

And I’m not talking about breaking your GREAT BIG GOAL into smaller chunks; I really just want you to make a small goal. But it can still be related to that GREAT BIG GOAL that you want to achieve so badly. Let me give you some examples:

• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to lose 80 pounds, then make a small goal of drinking eight glasses of water one day this week...only one day!
• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to get out of debt, then make a small goal of packing your lunch one day this week and saving the money you would have spent eating out.
• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to read 60 books this year, then make a small goal of picking out a new book to start reading this week.

The purpose of these small, very achievable goals is quite simple. You need momentum to stay motivated, and nothing builds momentum like getting a few wins under your belt.

But remember, these small goals are not steps toward achieving your GREAT BIG GOAL they are goals in and of themselves. They can be related to your GREAT BIG GOAL but they don’t have to be. They just need to be small things that you can achieve within the coming week.

So let’s try this whole goal setting thing one more time.

1. Review all of the goals you’ve set in the past, but didn’t achieve
2. Identify ONE goal from that list that you’d still like to accomplish (One of those GREAT BIG GOALS)
3. Then come up with a small goal (one you can accomplish in the next week) – This goal can be related to the GREAT BIG GOAL but it doesn’t have to be
4. Take action and complete that small goal during the next week
5. Then pick another small goal
6. And achieve another win
7. Keep setting small goals for the next 4-6 weeks, until achieving goals becomes second nature
8. Now take out that GREAT BIG GOAL and break it down into steps
9. Turn those steps into your new small goals (goals you can achieve within 1-2 weeks)
10. And CHARGE AHEAD!

It’s a lot easier to move a large bolder once you get it rolling and the same holds true for achieving goals. Once you get the ball rolling with some small goals, that GREAT BIG GOAL doesn’t stand a chance.

Live Life..Don't Just Read About It

I've been thinking a lot lately about living life. You know, actually getting out there and creating a life instead of just letting life slip by. I want to look back at my life when I'm old and gray and see that I actively participated in my life and in the world around me. I don't want to look back and see that I was a constant audience member, always watching the performance but never actually getting on the stage.

I've been thinking about this because I've been recognizing that I have a slight addiction to media. And isn't it quaint that I just referred to it as a "slight" addiction. I'm not sure what qualifies as a slight addiction and when it just becomes a full-on addiction but for some reason I feel better if I can refer to it as just a slight addiction, just a teeny, tiny, little thing that isn't actually a problem.

The only problem, is that it is a problem. When it's to the point that I would rather read about or watch other people's real or fake lives than participate in my own...it's a problem. When I can sit and watch TV shows until an hour before I'm supposed to wake up the next day...it's a problem. When every time I find a spare moment I immediately log onto Facebook or get on the Internet...it's a problem. I'm even to the point where I'll log onto Facebook on my mobile device while I wait for the Internet on my computer to load...you know, because there's a few seconds where I might have to just sit and do nothing.

I finally told myself that my media use is a problem and may, just may, be an actual addiction (if only a slight one -insert grin- ). And I'm trying to break free of it, one small step at a time. Today is my first day and I seem to be doing better than I have in a long time. I organized my mobile device so that Facebook and the Internet are buried within a few folders, hopefully causing me to think before tapping them. I'm also trying to just not get on my device for any reason as often.

And it is going okay. I've been tempted several times today to log onto Facebook, but I haven't. I've wanted to mindlessly pick up and look at my device a lot, but I've very consciously put it away and paid attention to my daughter instead (imagine that). I've even gone to the bathroom several times today without looking at my device while in there, which significantly reduces the time that I spend in there. (I know, I know, TMI, bathrooms...eeeewww gross!)

And while that device has been safely nestled in my pocket I've actually had time to edit a chapter of my book today. I've had time to write this blog post. I've had time to have good conversations with my toddler and go on a fun scooter ride. I've had time to pick up my other kids from school and ask about their day. I've had time to live life.

One of my favorite YouTube videos is an oldie from Ben Does Life and I absolutely love it. And although Ben doesn't always live his mantra, I love his Do Life message. And I love how amazing it was to watch his life change once he stopped playing video games 24/7 and actually got out and participated in life. And although his video seems to be about losing weight, it's really about living life. It's really about enjoying the life that we have enough to actually live it.

So I know that it's only been one day of scaling back on my "slight" addiction but I'm really excited. I'm excited about the changes that have happened in just this one day. I'm excited to spend more time with my family fully engaged. I'm excited to actually live life. And I'm excited to get back on that stage! (I may even play the drums.)

The Scariest Thing

It's October, that time of the year when we relish in scaring and in being scared. The time of year when we pay good money for people to jump out of the shadows and frighten us. The time of year when we dust off all of those scary movies and cuddle in the darkness on the couch gripping onto our significant other. The time of year when we dress up in scary, or extremely not scary, costumes.

With all of this fear in the air I thought it was an appropriate time to talk about one of the scariest things for a writer....reviews! For the average person it may not seem like reviews would be that scary, but for a writer they are nerve wracking. It's even uncomfortable for me to talk with someone who mentions that they've read my book.

"Hey Ashley, I just finished your book." Says a longtime friend.
"Oh." I reply as my throat gets dry and I start looking for an exit. Why does this person want to talk to me about my book? Are they trying to torture me? Do they just want to laugh in my face, or do they want to point out everything that's wrong with my beloved creation?

Even if that person says that they really liked my book, I still feel extremely uncomfortable and long for the conversation to either end abruptly or move onto a completely different topic.

And I'm not alone. A friend of mine was so nervous about reading a review that he'd gotten from Kirkus that he made his wife read the review first so that she could tell him whether or not it was good.

So you can imagine my terror when I noticed that I had a few new reviews on Goodreads. Instinctively I closed my Web browser and justified my action by telling myself that I didn't care about reviews anyways. I tried to tell this lie to myself for a few minutes while I argued in my head. Finally I told myself that I was being a sissy and logged back in to Goodreads. And then I slowly made my mouse hover over the word "Reviews." And finally I clicked.

And there they were, three new reviews. I forced myself to read them and even though they were really good reviews, I still felt a little panicked after I'd finished...probably just the rush of adrenaline from wading through the dark halls of Goodreads waiting for a horrible Review to jump out at me. It was the scariest experience I've had this October.

And what were those scary Reviews that haunted me?

Terrell Sanzone: "I received my copy of this book through the Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review. If you have not yet read nor put this book on your 'To Read' list DO IT NOW! This is a wonderfully fluid read, lots of plot, characters and main character sarcasm to get you through Summer heat, Fall depression and anything else you've got bogging you down!"

Thelma Melendez: "Doctor Brian is an unwitting hero that I couldn't help but root for. His plunge into the world of secret societies is action-packed and dramatic. I was caught in the whirlwind of the madness surrounding him and was glued to the page. Would highly recommend!  *I received a copy of this book via Goodreads Giveaways"

Katrease: "So I got this book for my birthday and I honestly hadn't heard much about it, but now I can say that it was a great book, amazingly written, and very creative. :) I totally recommend it to anyone who is looking for something to read. It was awesome!"

Terrifying...Absolutely Terrifying! Wouldn't you agree?

Book Review: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Have you ever been really excited to read a book because there's all this hype around it and have ended up disappointed? That's kind of what happened to me when I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It just wasn't what I expected it to be. And it leaves me to wonder if I would have liked it better if I had just happened across it in the library one day and had no idea what it was about. But I guess I'll never know.

This book dealt a lot with sex, drugs, drinking, and emotional trauma. And maybe I've been out of high school for too long but this book didn't resemble my high school experience at all. And it definitely made me nervous for when my kids go to high school.

I did appreciate the book's unique main character, Charlie, and his simplistic but insightful view of relationships. I also liked the message that was put across in the last chapter, however I felt like the delivery of the message was badly done. It was just thrown out there in a big glob and didn't seem to fit with the rest of Charlie's narrative. It really seemed to be coming more from the author and less from his character. But sometimes as an author, it's hard to separate the two.

Overall, I did not like the book and wouldn't recommend it. The best parts of the book can be summed up in simple phrases:

• "Go out and actually participate in life instead of just observing." 
• "You are in charge of your own life."
• "Only accept what you truly deserve and want."
• "Accept your past and move forward."

And while these motifs are good and thought-provoking, you can find these in many books that are more enjoyable to read.

Time for the Red Ink

So I've let my novel sit for about a month. It seems silly that I didn't just move on to the next part but I needed a break and I needed some distance from my book. But today that break is over. Now it's time to really get into the best and worst part of writing...editing.

I love editing, which is a good thing since it's a part of my occupation, but there are some downsides to it. First, is the tremendous amount of time it takes. At this point I've already spent a ton of time constructing and writing my story and I just want to be done with it. It would be lovely to just finish writing something and know that it was perfect and didn't need any editing. But that's just not how it all works.

The second downside is the realization that what you've written isn't nearly as good as you thought it was. You read along and suddenly notice all of the typos or you realize that what you wrote doesn't make any sense whatsoever (this must have been the part I wrote while simultaneously trying to play princess with my little girl). And it just isn't fun to realize that your precious manuscript isn't as great as you thought it was the day that you finished it.

The third downside, having to go and correct all of the edits that you make. This also takes a lot of time and can screw up some of the formatting which you then have to fix.

Fourth downside: all of that red ink.

But along with all of the downsides comes a tremendous, and ultimately worth-all-of-the-hassle, upside: your story gets better. And in the end every writer wants their novel to be the best that it possibly can be.

And after almost all (it's hard to get all of them) of the typos are gone and most of the story makes sense and you were able to fix that one really weird part and make it just perfect, it's a great feeling. And it makes you strong enough to face the next obstacle...actually showing your manuscript to others (and getting more edits).

Put On Your Mask First

If you have ever been on an airplane, you have undoubtedly heard the flight attendant instruct you to put on your oxygen mask first before trying to help others, even your children, put on theirs. Why are we instructed to put on our mask first? The answer is simple, we need to have oxygen to survive. And if we try to help others without having oxygen ourselves, we will soon find that we can't help anyone.

The same is true in our day-to-day lives. If we don't take care of ourselves first, we will soon lose the capacity to help anyone else. I've seen incredible mothers who are constantly putting their children's needs ahead of their own. They keep telling themselves that one day they'll get to sleep at a decent hour, one day they'll have time to exercise and eat right, one day they'll be less stressed; and the problem is that all of that lack of sleep, lack of exercise, bad eating habits, and stress catch up to them and everyone starts to suffer.

Soon Worn-Out Mom finds that she's yelling at her kids over simple things that really shouldn't bother her. She snaps at her husband because she doesn't think he's helping out with the children enough. The increased level of stress is palpable in the home and everyone starts to feel it. The children start fighting amongst each other more. The husband grows more distant and tries to avoid the home and the family more and more. And all of these things make Worn-Out Mom have even more stress. And each night she wonders what more she can do for her children and her husband, she's giving them everything.

And that's the problem, Worn-Out Mom is giving them everything and has nothing left for herself. She is giving so much of herself that there is hardly anything of herself left. Worn-Out Mom is losing all of her oxygen...she's losing her life.

We all become like Worn-Out Mom at times. We have all been in situations where we keep trying to put the mask on someone or something else before we put it on ourselves. We might be trying to put it on our job, our spouse, our parents, our volunteer positions, our children, or all of those things all at once. But it doesn't matter what or who it is that you are giving all of yourself up for, it's time to stop.

It's time to stop giving up all of our oxygen and it's time to put that mask on ourselves first. Start making yourself a priority. It may seem selfish to make yourself a priority but it isn't, it's vital. Make time for sleep, exercise, meditation, eating right, relationships, and those long-forgotten hobbies. Start putting yourself in your schedule, literally write yourself down on your own calendar if you need to but make sure that you start giving yourself that much-needed oxygen.

And after you start taking care of yourself an amazing thing will happen, you'll start to feel as if you actually have a life. And, as a side bonus, you'll have more energy and enthusiasm to take care of all of those other things too. So strap on that mask and breathe deep.