What? Goals That You Can Actually Achieve?

It’s that time of year again. Time to make some new resolutions, which strangely enough will closely
resemble the same resolutions we made last year and the year before that and the year before that.

Ever wonder why we keep making resolutions every year when we never keep those resolutions and achieve our goals?

Most people would agree that goals are important. They would also agree that goal setting and achieving are needed to be successful in different areas of your life. Then why can’t we keep our resolutions past the first few weeks of January?

I would say that one of the main problems most of us have is motivation over time. And this is typically what that looks like:

1. We set a GREAT BIG GOAL (usually the same goal we’ve been setting for the past five years or more)
2. We are super motivated to get started and just know that “we are going to do it this time”
3. We plan out what we need to do to reach our goal
4. We start charging through the steps to reach our goal…for the first few days
5. Then POW! We miss a step or two and get off track or we run into a problem or we are too tired or it just isn’t working out and we just aren’t motivated anymore
6. And we shove that goal back into the closet to drag out next year when we are more motivated

So how can we carry that motivation into February and all of the other months in the year? How can we keep ourselves psyched to conquer that GREAT BIG GOAL?

It’s easy and a lot simpler than you think. You need to set one small goal that you can accomplish during the next week…I’m talking super small.

And I’m not talking about breaking your GREAT BIG GOAL into smaller chunks; I really just want you to make a small goal. But it can still be related to that GREAT BIG GOAL that you want to achieve so badly. Let me give you some examples:

• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to lose 80 pounds, then make a small goal of drinking eight glasses of water one day this week...only one day!
• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to get out of debt, then make a small goal of packing your lunch one day this week and saving the money you would have spent eating out.
• If your GREAT BIG GOAL is to read 60 books this year, then make a small goal of picking out a new book to start reading this week.

The purpose of these small, very achievable goals is quite simple. You need momentum to stay motivated, and nothing builds momentum like getting a few wins under your belt.

But remember, these small goals are not steps toward achieving your GREAT BIG GOAL they are goals in and of themselves. They can be related to your GREAT BIG GOAL but they don’t have to be. They just need to be small things that you can achieve within the coming week.

So let’s try this whole goal setting thing one more time.

1. Review all of the goals you’ve set in the past, but didn’t achieve
2. Identify ONE goal from that list that you’d still like to accomplish (One of those GREAT BIG GOALS)
3. Then come up with a small goal (one you can accomplish in the next week) – This goal can be related to the GREAT BIG GOAL but it doesn’t have to be
4. Take action and complete that small goal during the next week
5. Then pick another small goal
6. And achieve another win
7. Keep setting small goals for the next 4-6 weeks, until achieving goals becomes second nature
8. Now take out that GREAT BIG GOAL and break it down into steps
9. Turn those steps into your new small goals (goals you can achieve within 1-2 weeks)
10. And CHARGE AHEAD!

It’s a lot easier to move a large bolder once you get it rolling and the same holds true for achieving goals. Once you get the ball rolling with some small goals, that GREAT BIG GOAL doesn’t stand a chance.

Live Life..Don't Just Read About It

I've been thinking a lot lately about living life. You know, actually getting out there and creating a life instead of just letting life slip by. I want to look back at my life when I'm old and gray and see that I actively participated in my life and in the world around me. I don't want to look back and see that I was a constant audience member, always watching the performance but never actually getting on the stage.

I've been thinking about this because I've been recognizing that I have a slight addiction to media. And isn't it quaint that I just referred to it as a "slight" addiction. I'm not sure what qualifies as a slight addiction and when it just becomes a full-on addiction but for some reason I feel better if I can refer to it as just a slight addiction, just a teeny, tiny, little thing that isn't actually a problem.

The only problem, is that it is a problem. When it's to the point that I would rather read about or watch other people's real or fake lives than participate in my own...it's a problem. When I can sit and watch TV shows until an hour before I'm supposed to wake up the next day...it's a problem. When every time I find a spare moment I immediately log onto Facebook or get on the Internet...it's a problem. I'm even to the point where I'll log onto Facebook on my mobile device while I wait for the Internet on my computer to load...you know, because there's a few seconds where I might have to just sit and do nothing.

I finally told myself that my media use is a problem and may, just may, be an actual addiction (if only a slight one -insert grin- ). And I'm trying to break free of it, one small step at a time. Today is my first day and I seem to be doing better than I have in a long time. I organized my mobile device so that Facebook and the Internet are buried within a few folders, hopefully causing me to think before tapping them. I'm also trying to just not get on my device for any reason as often.

And it is going okay. I've been tempted several times today to log onto Facebook, but I haven't. I've wanted to mindlessly pick up and look at my device a lot, but I've very consciously put it away and paid attention to my daughter instead (imagine that). I've even gone to the bathroom several times today without looking at my device while in there, which significantly reduces the time that I spend in there. (I know, I know, TMI, bathrooms...eeeewww gross!)

And while that device has been safely nestled in my pocket I've actually had time to edit a chapter of my book today. I've had time to write this blog post. I've had time to have good conversations with my toddler and go on a fun scooter ride. I've had time to pick up my other kids from school and ask about their day. I've had time to live life.

One of my favorite YouTube videos is an oldie from Ben Does Life and I absolutely love it. And although Ben doesn't always live his mantra, I love his Do Life message. And I love how amazing it was to watch his life change once he stopped playing video games 24/7 and actually got out and participated in life. And although his video seems to be about losing weight, it's really about living life. It's really about enjoying the life that we have enough to actually live it.

So I know that it's only been one day of scaling back on my "slight" addiction but I'm really excited. I'm excited about the changes that have happened in just this one day. I'm excited to spend more time with my family fully engaged. I'm excited to actually live life. And I'm excited to get back on that stage! (I may even play the drums.)

The Scariest Thing

It's October, that time of the year when we relish in scaring and in being scared. The time of year when we pay good money for people to jump out of the shadows and frighten us. The time of year when we dust off all of those scary movies and cuddle in the darkness on the couch gripping onto our significant other. The time of year when we dress up in scary, or extremely not scary, costumes.

With all of this fear in the air I thought it was an appropriate time to talk about one of the scariest things for a writer....reviews! For the average person it may not seem like reviews would be that scary, but for a writer they are nerve wracking. It's even uncomfortable for me to talk with someone who mentions that they've read my book.

"Hey Ashley, I just finished your book." Says a longtime friend.
"Oh." I reply as my throat gets dry and I start looking for an exit. Why does this person want to talk to me about my book? Are they trying to torture me? Do they just want to laugh in my face, or do they want to point out everything that's wrong with my beloved creation?

Even if that person says that they really liked my book, I still feel extremely uncomfortable and long for the conversation to either end abruptly or move onto a completely different topic.

And I'm not alone. A friend of mine was so nervous about reading a review that he'd gotten from Kirkus that he made his wife read the review first so that she could tell him whether or not it was good.

So you can imagine my terror when I noticed that I had a few new reviews on Goodreads. Instinctively I closed my Web browser and justified my action by telling myself that I didn't care about reviews anyways. I tried to tell this lie to myself for a few minutes while I argued in my head. Finally I told myself that I was being a sissy and logged back in to Goodreads. And then I slowly made my mouse hover over the word "Reviews." And finally I clicked.

And there they were, three new reviews. I forced myself to read them and even though they were really good reviews, I still felt a little panicked after I'd finished...probably just the rush of adrenaline from wading through the dark halls of Goodreads waiting for a horrible Review to jump out at me. It was the scariest experience I've had this October.

And what were those scary Reviews that haunted me?

Terrell Sanzone: "I received my copy of this book through the Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review. If you have not yet read nor put this book on your 'To Read' list DO IT NOW! This is a wonderfully fluid read, lots of plot, characters and main character sarcasm to get you through Summer heat, Fall depression and anything else you've got bogging you down!"

Thelma Melendez: "Doctor Brian is an unwitting hero that I couldn't help but root for. His plunge into the world of secret societies is action-packed and dramatic. I was caught in the whirlwind of the madness surrounding him and was glued to the page. Would highly recommend!  *I received a copy of this book via Goodreads Giveaways"

Katrease: "So I got this book for my birthday and I honestly hadn't heard much about it, but now I can say that it was a great book, amazingly written, and very creative. :) I totally recommend it to anyone who is looking for something to read. It was awesome!"

Terrifying...Absolutely Terrifying! Wouldn't you agree?

Book Review: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Have you ever been really excited to read a book because there's all this hype around it and have ended up disappointed? That's kind of what happened to me when I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It just wasn't what I expected it to be. And it leaves me to wonder if I would have liked it better if I had just happened across it in the library one day and had no idea what it was about. But I guess I'll never know.

This book dealt a lot with sex, drugs, drinking, and emotional trauma. And maybe I've been out of high school for too long but this book didn't resemble my high school experience at all. And it definitely made me nervous for when my kids go to high school.

I did appreciate the book's unique main character, Charlie, and his simplistic but insightful view of relationships. I also liked the message that was put across in the last chapter, however I felt like the delivery of the message was badly done. It was just thrown out there in a big glob and didn't seem to fit with the rest of Charlie's narrative. It really seemed to be coming more from the author and less from his character. But sometimes as an author, it's hard to separate the two.

Overall, I did not like the book and wouldn't recommend it. The best parts of the book can be summed up in simple phrases:

• "Go out and actually participate in life instead of just observing." 
• "You are in charge of your own life."
• "Only accept what you truly deserve and want."
• "Accept your past and move forward."

And while these motifs are good and thought-provoking, you can find these in many books that are more enjoyable to read.

Time for the Red Ink

So I've let my novel sit for about a month. It seems silly that I didn't just move on to the next part but I needed a break and I needed some distance from my book. But today that break is over. Now it's time to really get into the best and worst part of writing...editing.

I love editing, which is a good thing since it's a part of my occupation, but there are some downsides to it. First, is the tremendous amount of time it takes. At this point I've already spent a ton of time constructing and writing my story and I just want to be done with it. It would be lovely to just finish writing something and know that it was perfect and didn't need any editing. But that's just not how it all works.

The second downside is the realization that what you've written isn't nearly as good as you thought it was. You read along and suddenly notice all of the typos or you realize that what you wrote doesn't make any sense whatsoever (this must have been the part I wrote while simultaneously trying to play princess with my little girl). And it just isn't fun to realize that your precious manuscript isn't as great as you thought it was the day that you finished it.

The third downside, having to go and correct all of the edits that you make. This also takes a lot of time and can screw up some of the formatting which you then have to fix.

Fourth downside: all of that red ink.

But along with all of the downsides comes a tremendous, and ultimately worth-all-of-the-hassle, upside: your story gets better. And in the end every writer wants their novel to be the best that it possibly can be.

And after almost all (it's hard to get all of them) of the typos are gone and most of the story makes sense and you were able to fix that one really weird part and make it just perfect, it's a great feeling. And it makes you strong enough to face the next obstacle...actually showing your manuscript to others (and getting more edits).

Put On Your Mask First

If you have ever been on an airplane, you have undoubtedly heard the flight attendant instruct you to put on your oxygen mask first before trying to help others, even your children, put on theirs. Why are we instructed to put on our mask first? The answer is simple, we need to have oxygen to survive. And if we try to help others without having oxygen ourselves, we will soon find that we can't help anyone.

The same is true in our day-to-day lives. If we don't take care of ourselves first, we will soon lose the capacity to help anyone else. I've seen incredible mothers who are constantly putting their children's needs ahead of their own. They keep telling themselves that one day they'll get to sleep at a decent hour, one day they'll have time to exercise and eat right, one day they'll be less stressed; and the problem is that all of that lack of sleep, lack of exercise, bad eating habits, and stress catch up to them and everyone starts to suffer.

Soon Worn-Out Mom finds that she's yelling at her kids over simple things that really shouldn't bother her. She snaps at her husband because she doesn't think he's helping out with the children enough. The increased level of stress is palpable in the home and everyone starts to feel it. The children start fighting amongst each other more. The husband grows more distant and tries to avoid the home and the family more and more. And all of these things make Worn-Out Mom have even more stress. And each night she wonders what more she can do for her children and her husband, she's giving them everything.

And that's the problem, Worn-Out Mom is giving them everything and has nothing left for herself. She is giving so much of herself that there is hardly anything of herself left. Worn-Out Mom is losing all of her oxygen...she's losing her life.

We all become like Worn-Out Mom at times. We have all been in situations where we keep trying to put the mask on someone or something else before we put it on ourselves. We might be trying to put it on our job, our spouse, our parents, our volunteer positions, our children, or all of those things all at once. But it doesn't matter what or who it is that you are giving all of yourself up for, it's time to stop.

It's time to stop giving up all of our oxygen and it's time to put that mask on ourselves first. Start making yourself a priority. It may seem selfish to make yourself a priority but it isn't, it's vital. Make time for sleep, exercise, meditation, eating right, relationships, and those long-forgotten hobbies. Start putting yourself in your schedule, literally write yourself down on your own calendar if you need to but make sure that you start giving yourself that much-needed oxygen.

And after you start taking care of yourself an amazing thing will happen, you'll start to feel as if you actually have a life. And, as a side bonus, you'll have more energy and enthusiasm to take care of all of those other things too. So strap on that mask and breathe deep.

Book Review: Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad

This book was actually painful for me to read. I would take it in short chunks because I was determined to finish it. My husband wondered what was going on because I usually devour books. He asked why I didn't just stop reading it altogether. I thought about it but there aren't very many books that I've stopped reading once I've started (I can think of one) and I ultimately decided that this wouldn't be one of them. There were enough good parts in the book that it kept me reading.

The main problem with the book is that they should have just ripped out about half of it. It took forever to go anywhere and there was incessant dialog about nothing or about the same thing over and over again.

I'm really sad about how much I disliked this book. I was really looking forward to it because I love Heart of Darkness and hoped that Conrad would hold true to form in this book. Sadly, he did not.

1st Draft Done! And a Goal Achieved

On Monday it was August 31st...the end of the month, which wouldn't have been that significant except that I'd made a goal at the beginning of the month to finish the first draft of the second book of the Dead Sea Trilogy and I hadn't done it yet. I like setting goals and I really like when I actually accomplish them. Plus, I had remembered setting the goal at the beginning of August and thinking that it would be an easy goal to accomplish because I was almost done.

Well, it turns out that it wasn't as easy as I thought. Mostly because my kids started school, soccer season started, and my schedule got a little out of whack, which led to me slacking off in my writing. Almost the entire month had gone by before I knew it and my first draft still wasn't finished. And I only had one day left.

I tried telling myself that I could just finish the draft up that week and it wouldn't be a big deal. What were a few extra days? So what if those days were in September instead of August? It really wouldn't make that much of a difference, would it?

In the long run, it probably wouldn't make that much of a difference. But psychologically, I needed to finish that book in August. I needed the win. So I decided to go for it.

I took a day off from my day job and got to work. I started at 5:00 am and took very few breaks, mostly just to eat or take care of my kids in some way. My two oldest kids are in school so they were taken care of for the majority of the day, which just left my little one. Luckily her friend came over to play and they played fun little games for hours and were completely enthralled in their play, which left me free to write.

I got more and more excited with each chapter or part that I finished. I started to think that I might actually be able to reach my goal! It was pretty exciting. Then came the point when I had finished all of the chapters of my book and had only the epilogue and prologue to write...and I finally knew what I wanted to put in the prologue! At that point I was really excited.

The prologue had been bugging me for the entire book. On The Watchers it had been one of the first things I'd written and I'd known exactly what I wanted to put in it. But on this book the prologue had eluded me, until right at that moment. It was as if the thing that I'd been searching months for suddenly jumped from behind the wall and surprised me. It's a great moment for any writer.

My two older children came home at this point and the atmosphere changed slightly. Instead of my pleasantly tranquil environment for writing I was now under a barrage of questions while trying to finish my epilogue. I was checking homework, directing activities, and listening to stories about how so and so did such and such, all while sitting at my desk and desperately trying to concentrate. (As a side note, I really couldn't tell you anything about so and so and the such and such that they did but never tell my children that. I'm pretty sure they thought I was listening - it's okay to be a subpar mom for one day right?)

Among all of this chaos I managed to finish my epilogue but then I had to get my son to soccer practice. I rushed him to practice and raced back home and back to my chair. I was so close! 

It was a race against the clock. Could I finish the prologue before soccer practice ended? Could I finish the first draft of my book and meet my goal before the clock reached 6:50? Well let's just end the suspense, I did. I did! I finished my book and was able to pick up my son from soccer practice with a huge smile on my face. It was a great moment!

And my kids may have had whatever they could scavenge for dinner that night (which strangely enough consisted of cereal, grapes, and kidney beans - my kids love kidney beans, what can I say?) but as we sat around the table, I was able to tell them that I'd met my goal and finished my book. And they were genuinely excited for me. And then my oldest immediately went and retrieved his list of New Year's Resolutions. He wanted to see what his goals were so that he could work on them. I guess he'd seen how happy meeting one of my goals had made me and wanted to feel the same way. And of course, Monkey See, Monkey Do, so pretty soon all of my children were looking at the goals they'd made at the beginning of the year and planning on how they were going to achieve them. 

So maybe that day I wasn't as crappy of a mom as I thought.

Focus on What You Can Control

So often in life we worry about things that we have absolutely no control over. We worry about national politics, the most recent violent crime, what another person said and did, etc. And at the end of all that time spent worrying and thinking we have accomplished absolutely nothing.

Worrying about things outside of our control only leads to us feeling more and more frustrated and powerless. So why do we keep doing it? Why do I think about how my job or my life would be better if I could just change so and so? Why do I pour over countless Internet articles about the latest horrific event and think about how I would think and feel if it had happened to me or my children? And more importantly, how do I stop thinking about things I have absolutely no control over?

The easiest way is to simply shift our focus from things that we can't control to things that we can. So if you are having a problem with your marriage because your spouse is horrible and treats you badly, stop focusing on your spouse because that is something that you can't control. Instead, focus on yourself. If you want to have a better marriage, then be a better spouse. If you want to have a great marriage, then focus on being a great spouse. You can't improve your marriage by improving your spouse, but you can improve your marriage by improving yourself.

The same principle works in all areas of your life. If you want a better work environment, then focus on being a better employee and coworker. If you want a better relationship with your kids, then focus on becoming a better parent. If you want to lose weight and force that scale to move, then focus on being a healthier person. If you want to make the world a better place, then focus on being a better person and helping others.

So stop worrying and stop playing the blame game because it only makes your life worse. If we truly want to be happier people, then we need to focus on improving what we have control over. And most of the time what we have control over is ourselves. Take control of your happiness today because only you can.

You Pay Your Kid to Read?

"You're paying him to read?" My friend asked recently. "Doesn't he already love to read?"

The answer to my friend's question is: yes, my son does love to read and yes, we are paying him to read books. How did this come about you might ask. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago my husband caught our soon-to-be nine-year-old son's attention and made a deal with him. He promised to pay our son $35 if he could read the entire Harry Potter series before school starts in August, which is basically $5 a book.

My son had been reluctant to read Harry Potter despite loving to read books in general and loving the whole Harry Potter idea. He told us that he didn't want to read about the large snake in book two because it was scary. But for $5 a book my son's fears soon disappeared.

It has been less than three weeks and my son is already on Book 6 of the seven books. I'm pretty sure that he'll finish before school starts...well before school starts. We have also made a similar deal with our younger daughter with books that are more on her reading level and she is also feverishly pounding away at her stack of books.

So why have we chosen to pay our children to read, especially when they already really enjoy reading? Simply put, because we think that it is something truly valuable. Some people pay their children to take out the trash or sweep the kitchen. And we pay our children for chores like these as well. But why not pay your children for doing something that will truly benefit them?

Maybe you think that reading isn't really that important. Well, it is. Not only does it give your children a wider view of the world and allows them to learn about and immerse themselves in different cultures, history, scientific exploration, moral dilemmas, etc., but it also gives them an incredible leg up in life in whatever they happen to pursue.

Practically speaking, if your child is a good reader, they will do better on whatever test on any subject they take simply because they will be able to read faster, giving them more time to answer and because they will comprehend the material more quickly and easily. They will understand math better because they will understand their math book better. They will remember history better because their reading comprehension will be greater. They will know how to perform an experiment well because they can easily read and follow the instructions. School will be so much easier if you can teach your child to excel at reading. And even life will be all that much smoother if your child is a voracious reader.

So keep paying your children to take out the trash. I'm sure they'll be well prepared to work as a waste collector in the future. As for me, I'm paying my kids to read.

Make Father's Day Special

Fathers are an amazing part of our lives and I wasn't really aware of this fact until I became an adult and had children. (This was also around the same time when I realized how great my mom must have been when I was a kid and how I never appreciated how much she did for me...but back to fathers.) Fathers are amazing and it has been while watching my husband change diapers, give baby baths, wrestle, tell stories, jump on the trampoline, tickle, play games, etc. that I have seen what a difference dads make.

My children love their dad. When they hear the garage door at the end of the day signaling that their daddy is finally home they all make a mad dash for the stairs so that they can be the first one to get a jump hug (jump hug = giant leap from the stairs into their daddy's arms). They love to tackle him and wrestle with him and snuggle with him. And they love doing all the scary, dangerous stuff with him that I would never let them do.

Dads teach kids about life. They share their experiences, their passions, their hobbies, and so much more. They give their kids advice as they show them how to fix a tire or repair a broken toy. They protect their children and provide for their needs. Dads make kids feel safe even when there's a storm raging outside the tent's walls. They take kids on adventures and explore never-before-seen terrain. Dads create bursts of fun at any moment.

In less than 24 hours it will be Father's Day. In fact, it might even be Father's Day right now. And don't you want to show the fathers in your life how much you appreciate and care about them? If so, here are some fun and simple ways to show the fathers in your life that you care.

1. Make him King for the Day: All you need are a crown (paper, fabric, cardboard, etc.) and possibly a cape and you are in business. To really make this work you should probably address him as "Your Majesty" and try to play the part of the loyal servant for the day. You can also play regal music whenever he walks anywhere (which is corny but silly and fun too).
2. Make him Feel SUPER: Maybe the dad in your life doesn't like the whole king bit but they are really into superheroes. Just make them feel as if they really are a superhero for the day. Plus, you can still use that cape. 
3. Switch Roles: It can be fun to let the dad act like the kid for the day and the kids like the dad. This becomes pretty hilarious pretty quickly, especially if you've got some good actors in your family. This can also be fairly eye opening as each side will get to see how the other really views them. Just remember to be nice.
4. Childhood Stories: Ask your dad to tell you some of their favorite childhood stories. They will love this, especially if your dad is on the older side and just loves to tell stories in general. This is probably my own dad's favorite thing.
5. Make a Movie: One year I went around and recorded my kids saying different things that they liked about their dad: what they liked to do with him, their favorite memory of their dad, what they thought his favorite things were, etc. Then I put the videos of their responses and mixed it with some pictures of them with their dad and made a quick little movie for my husband to watch on Father's Day. This didn't take a lot of time and he loved it. 
   
6. 6. Write a Thank You Note: Write your dad or the father of your children a thank you note for all that they do. Everyone likes to be appreciated for the work that they do and fathers are no exception. Plus, all you need is a piece of paper and something to write with.
7. 7. Impromptu Dance Party: Throw an impromptu dance party whenever they enter a room. If you can quickly put on some music...great, if not, just dance. It'll be fun and will be sure to make them smile. And who knows, they may even join you. If you aren't into dancing, you could also just try breaking into wild applause. 
8. Relax: Maybe the father in your life just needs a little break. In that case, make his day as relaxing as possible. Remove all deadlines, don't rush about, just relax. You may also try setting up a hammock, playing Hawaiian music, massaging his back, and providing pina coladas.  
9. His Choice: Ask your dad or husband how they would like to spend the day. This may sound like a cop out but it may actually be what the men in your life would like best. Besides, how do you know what they'd really like if you don't ask.
10. Breakfast in Bed: Who doesn't like breakfast in bed? And this is a really great way to let dad know that you are thinking of them from the very first moments of the day.
11. Relive Great Memories: Break out the photo book or fire up the computer so that you can sit down with your dad and laugh over old photos of the family. Remember the great times that you've shared together.
    
12. Make New Great Memories: Spend the day as a family making new great memories. Do a fun activity together that your dad loves and make sure to laugh as much as possible.
13. Make the Day Joyful: This one just involves being happy and spreading that joy around to your family and especially to your dad. Make it your goal to try to improve everyone's day. And make sure to spend special attention on your dad. Give him lots of smiles!
14. Hug: Make sure to give your dad a hug on Father's Day, even if he isn't really a hugger. He'll appreciate it whether he says so or not.
15. Customize: Every father is different so make sure that the way that you honor your father is meaningful to him. Really think about what kind of a person he is. Think about the kinds of things that he likes and doesn't like. Think about the kinds of things that he likes to do. Think about the kind of father that he is. And then think about the best way that you could show your dad that you love and appreciate him.

Love and appreciation are what Father's Day is all about. Make sure to tell the fathers in your life how much they mean to you. I know that I would be a very different person if it weren't for my dad and I'm so appreciative of everything he has done to help me grow. I'm also incredibly grateful for the amazing father that my husband is. My children are truly blessed because their dad really is SUPER.

P.S. These ideas can be used on days that are not Father's Day. You don't need a special day to tell your dad that you love them. In fact, why don't you go and do it right now.

Small Ways to Save $

Often times the most difficult part of any change that you make is knowing where to get started. The same is true with saving money. Most of us want to save money, but we don't know where to start. So let's start small.

Here's is a list of small and simple things that you can do to save money. Not all of these things will apply to you and your life situation, but look over the list and I'm sure that you'll find a few great ideas that will save you a little green.

25 Simple Ways to Save

1. Pay with cash (groceries, dates, outings, etc.). People spend 20% less when they buy groceries with cash.
2. Eat at home more (restaurants are expensive)
3. Trade babysitting with a friend. This works great to make going on dates cheaper.
4. Make a grocery list and stick to it
5. Plan out and cook your own meals
6. Clean out your fridge and pantry (find good food you forgot about)
7. Buy grocery store or generic brands
8. Don’t buy microwave dinners (they are way too expensive for what you get)
9. Pack a lunch for work
10. Wait for at least 24 hours before buying something over $100
11. Cancel magazine and newspaper subscriptions you don’t read or can read online for free
12. Rethink your phone plan (Are you paying for more than you use? Do you actually need a cell phone?) Sometimes just calling your carrier and asking for a cheaper plan can do wonders.
13. Use the library (There’s free stuff there!)
14. Get cheaper clothes (hand-me-downs, thrift, etc.)
15. Stop unnecessary shopping (only go shopping when you actually need something) = No more window shopping
16. Cut the gym membership and exercise at home

17. Make your next vacation a STAYcation
18. Use coupons, Groupons, online deals, etc.
19. Ditch cable TV (Netflix, Amazon, etc. are cheaper)
20. Make gifts instead of buy them (or gift your time)
21. Invite friends over instead of going out
22. Drink WATER: Other drinks are expensive
23. Check out free events in town (there are lots of free entertainment and activities)
24. Pack your own food for a road trip
25. Come up with free or cheap dates that are fun instead of just opting for the old dinner and a movie.

If you can be proactive and a little imaginative, you might even find that it's really fun to save money.  After all, isn't spending an evening with your spouse at a free local concert or playing frisbee golf in the park a lot more fun than spending a lot of money going to see that movie that you're going to forget about within a month? Nod your head and say, "Yes."

Book Review: The Tale of Nottingswood

I read The Tale of Nottingswood aloud to my children over the course of several nights. It is a great book to read aloud due to the lyrical nature of the book. It's a lot like reading Dr. Seuss books that are enjoyable to read because the words bounce around and play off of your tongue. I had a lot of fun with it.

My kids loved the mystical creatures and the unique, little town where the story was set. I loved that the story became a great springboard to discussions of ethics with my children. My kids asked questions each night after reading a portion of the book. It led to great discussions and some really enjoyable talks with my children. The book didn't shove morality or ethics down your throat, but ethical situations were definitely interlaced throughout the narrative and were things that my kids picked up on.

This was a very fun book to read. I recommend it to those who want to read something a little beyond the ordinary. I also highly recommend reading it aloud to your children.

Find this great book on Amazon and at http://www.nottingswood.com.

Fanning the Flames of Passion

If you are just starting a relationship and are in that incredibly lovey-dovey stage, then read no further. You've already got all of the passion that you need. For those of you who have been with your significant other for a little longer and remember fondly that lovey-dovey stage and wonder exactly when it disappeared, keep reading.

My husband is my best friend, and I love that, but sometimes we can get into the rut of being just friends. Two people working side by side to raise children and sustain our household...which is nice but it's just not quite enough for me. That's not why I married him.

So how do we get back to that lovey-dovey stage? Is it even possible? Don't people always tell you that the lovey-dovey stage, or the infatuation stage, is just a stage in a relationship and that it fades? That is what everyone says, right? But just because everyone says it, does it mean it's true? NO!!!

You can get into that lovey-dovey stage again right now if you want to. You just need to want to be infatuated and you need to focus your attention on fanning the flames of passion. Here are some tips to get you started:

8 Ways to Fan the Flames:

1. Focus on the Positive: Five minutes before you are going to see your significant other, whether they are coming home from work or you're coming home or whatever, think about all of the things that you like about them. If you can't come up with any current things (which hopefully you can), think about all of the things that you liked about them when you were first dating. Get yourself psyched up and excited to see them! (P.S. This works best if you actually stand up and move around. You may even want to jump around and shout a little---it'll get that adrenaline pumping.)
2. Improve Your Greetings: When you meet at home at the end of the day actually get up and move in order to greet them. Put a smile on your face. Tell them how much you missed them. And actually kiss them, not just some peck on the cheek or quick kiss on the lips, but give them a kiss that means something. Quick note, they'll be pretty surprised the first time you do this.
3. TALK!: Put away the iPhone, step away from the computer, click off the TV, and actually talk to your spouse. A great way to build closeness is to really talk to each other at the end of the day. Ask questions and actually be interested in the answers. Talk like you did when you first started dating, you remember that don't you?
   
4. Date Regularly: One of the reasons that you were so lovey-dovey at the start of your relationship was because you actually went on dates. You spent time together and had fun together. Schedule a regular date time, at least once a week, and don't let anything move it off your schedule. Couple dates are fun and a great way to get out and do something, but make sure you schedule plenty of one-on-one dates as well. And try not to just talk about the kids the entire time. Dates should be about the two of you. Don't know what to talk about? Check out #6.
5. Spice Up Your Love Life: Now I'm not talking about doing anything crazy or illegal or anything. Just do something a little differently than you usually do. Get new lingerie, go to a hotel or bed & breakfast, make love at a different time than usual, play different music in the background, etc. Just try something different.
6. Discuss Your Dreams: Remember sitting under the stars in those early days of dating and talking about all of those things that you wanted to do in life? Do you still do that? Do you even know what your spouse wants out of life anymore? Do you even know what you want? Spend some time talking about the dreams that you both have, no matter how crazy or out there your dreams may be. Talk about places you'd like to travel to, things that you'd like to experience, what you'd like to achieve, the kind of person you'd like to become, etc.

7. Express Gratitude: Remember when you thought of all of those things that you like about your love (in #1)? Now it's time to actually tell those things to your spouse. And also thank them for everything that they are doing to help you, your family, or the household (even if you think that that's their job and that's what they're supposed to be doing and even if they never thank you for the millions of things that you do every day). Make sure you are specific when you thank or praise them. Don't just thank them for "everything they do," thank them for doing the dishes, playing with the children, going to work all day, doing the laundry, etc.
8. Serve Them: This step is HUGE! When you first start dating you are excited and energized to do anything to help out your love, to make their life better in any way. All of your energy is focused on making your love happy. You write them notes, plan fun dates, bring them flowers, compliment them, scratch their back, bring them their favorite treat, hug them, and run to do whatever chore they ask you to do. And then the distractions creep in. After a while you are more interested in your work, taking care of the children, your friends, or just yourself than you are the love of your life. And the love you have for your spouse fades until eventually you may "fall out of love," which is completely ridiculous! You can't "fall out of love" because love is a verb. If you want to love your spouse, then love them, or in other words, serve them. Put your love's happiness before your own and before everything else and you'll be amazed at how quickly you "fall back in love." You'll also be amazed at how quickly your relationship and your own happiness improve.

If you want something in your life to improve, you actually have to FOCUS on improving that thing.

So you want to have a little more passion back in your relationship? You want to feel all lovey-dovey about the love of your life again? Then FOCUS on BEING more passionate and FOCUS on the one that you LOVE.

In the Country of Men: Book Review

Reading about the way of life in an unstable and volatile country can really offer perspective. It can make you grateful for the things that you have, the little things that you take for granted.

In The Country of Men offers that perspective. It showed you the brutalities that occurred in Libya in 1979 and how the terrifying regime of that time affected the ordinary citizens of that country. Since the narrator is a nine-year-old boy, the events that take place are often misunderstood or not understood at all by the narrator but become evident to the reader over time.

I enjoyed the book and the new perspective that it gave me. I wasn't always happy with the narrator and was upset that he seemed to regress over time instead of progress. He seemed to mirror the state of the country and I guess that I just wanted him to be better than that. Overall, an informative and enjoyable read.

Fresh Starts

Studies show that most people start to make changes in their lives when they perceive a fresh start. Fresh starts can be anything that you perceive as a fresh start: a birthday, new year, new week, new month, new job, etc. Usually it involves something that we perceive as new. And these fresh starts are motivating, they get us to try to change something in our lives that we want to improve.

A new month is fast approaching which can provide you with a new fresh start, a new opportunity to improve. And I've recently heard about a technique that can be used to help you with whatever new habit you might want to try to adopt, it's called temptation bundling.

Temptation bundling is combining two things to help motivate you to stick to your new habit. For example, say that you love watching TV but you feel guilty about how much you watch and you are having a hard time exercising. You would simply combine these two activities into a temptation bundle by only allowing yourself to watch that new episode you're dying to watch if you are on a treadmill or an elliptical. This way you get to watch TV guilt-free plus you feel good about exercising.

Another temptation bundle example: only eating your favorite ice cream when your spouse and you sit down to go over the budget. You get to allow yourself a fun treat and it entices you to plan out your finances (which will enable you to have more money to buy more ice cream).

One more: You can't wait to read the latest Hunger Games novel but feel guilty hiding from your children every evening. Also, you want to try to be more active during your long work day. Bundle the two and allow yourself to listen to the novel while you take a walk during your lunch break.

So as we quickly move to a new month, take advantage of these little tips and tricks to change your behavior and enable yourself to get the best out of life. We are always happiest when we are growing and improving, so take advantage of a new-month fresh start in May and increase your happiness.

Book Review: The Silver Linings Playbook

My Goodreads group challenged us to read The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick in March so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. I actually really enjoyed this book for several reasons:

1. It was about a guy who is always looking for the silver lining. Always looking for something positive in every situation. Definitely a guy that I'd like.
2. It has a lot of football talk in it. I love football and am one of the few girls that I know that knows more about the local team than 90% of the guys I talk to. I really enjoy watching it and reading up on my favorite players. I'm constantly psyched for the start of every season and always think that this could be the year. So I totally loved that part of the book and understood how their family were only able to gel around that one thing in their lives.
3. It has a lot of physical fitness, exercising, running, dancing, etc. in the book. I love all of those things. I've never worn a sweat suit to bed, and am never going to, but I love the big part that physical activity played in the book.
4. It was a quick read that kept me interested.
5. I was rooting for the main character. This was most of the reason that I was glued to the book. I just had to see if Pat would get his silver lining. I wanted to see if things would turn out well for him in the end, and I really, really wanted them to.

There is a lot of strong language in the book that I didn't really appreciate reading, but the strong language plays true to the psychiatry of Tiffany's character. It would have been artificial to leave it out.

Overall it was a fun read. It lets you delve into the mind of a simplistic guy that's just trying to get things right even though things keep getting screwed up. It made me think about my own life and caused me to look for more silver linings. And I always love a book that inspires me to improve.

CHOOSE to be Happy

Every year we pick a theme for the new school year; something that we want to focus on as a family. This year we are focusing on choosing to be happy. And it's crazy how true that statement is. We really do CHOOSE to be happy or not. And I think that sometimes we enjoy being miserable, unhappy, or apathetic, which is CRAZY. But it's true.

Or at least it must be true if we truly do CHOOSE whether or not we are happy. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I was choosing to be unhappy. I wasn't sad or depressed or anything. I was just kind of going through the motions of life. Pushing through my day, checking off my To Do list, and getting to the end of the day exhausted. Luckily I stumbled upon a YouTube video by Andy Andrews (best selling author and motivational speaker). I love Andy Andrews and when I watched his video a light bulb went off in my head and I realized what I'd been doing. And I resolved to change.

The rest of that day I tried to smile whenever I spoke to my kids and I tried to be fun and energetic. A lot of the times my smile didn't feel natural and felt really forced, but it didn't seem to matter to my kids; they smiled back. When my husband came home that day I made a concerted effort to stop what I was doing, go and greet him with a smile, and let him know that I had missed him and was happy that he was home. And for the rest of the night I tried to remain upbeat and smiling.

The change that came over our home was palpable. Not only did I feel happier throughout the day and a lot better at the end of the day, but my entire family seemed positively affected. Everyone seemed to be happier and seemed to be having a lot more fun. And I realized how much of an effect that I have on the people around me. And I think we all do.

So the next time your spouse, your kids, your friend, your mom, etc. walks in the door, greet them with a smile and let them know that you are happy to see them. And if you're feeling that your life is a little blah and that you are just going through the motions, CHOOSE to be HAPPY. You'll be surprised at the difference it makes.

Andy Andrews Video: Choose to Be Happy