Fanning the Flames of Passion

If you are just starting a relationship and are in that incredibly lovey-dovey stage, then read no further. You've already got all of the passion that you need. For those of you who have been with your significant other for a little longer and remember fondly that lovey-dovey stage and wonder exactly when it disappeared, keep reading.

My husband is my best friend, and I love that, but sometimes we can get into the rut of being just friends. Two people working side by side to raise children and sustain our household...which is nice but it's just not quite enough for me. That's not why I married him.

So how do we get back to that lovey-dovey stage? Is it even possible? Don't people always tell you that the lovey-dovey stage, or the infatuation stage, is just a stage in a relationship and that it fades? That is what everyone says, right? But just because everyone says it, does it mean it's true? NO!!!

You can get into that lovey-dovey stage again right now if you want to. You just need to want to be infatuated and you need to focus your attention on fanning the flames of passion. Here are some tips to get you started:

8 Ways to Fan the Flames:

1. Focus on the Positive: Five minutes before you are going to see your significant other, whether they are coming home from work or you're coming home or whatever, think about all of the things that you like about them. If you can't come up with any current things (which hopefully you can), think about all of the things that you liked about them when you were first dating. Get yourself psyched up and excited to see them! (P.S. This works best if you actually stand up and move around. You may even want to jump around and shout a little---it'll get that adrenaline pumping.)
2. Improve Your Greetings: When you meet at home at the end of the day actually get up and move in order to greet them. Put a smile on your face. Tell them how much you missed them. And actually kiss them, not just some peck on the cheek or quick kiss on the lips, but give them a kiss that means something. Quick note, they'll be pretty surprised the first time you do this.
3. TALK!: Put away the iPhone, step away from the computer, click off the TV, and actually talk to your spouse. A great way to build closeness is to really talk to each other at the end of the day. Ask questions and actually be interested in the answers. Talk like you did when you first started dating, you remember that don't you?
   
4. Date Regularly: One of the reasons that you were so lovey-dovey at the start of your relationship was because you actually went on dates. You spent time together and had fun together. Schedule a regular date time, at least once a week, and don't let anything move it off your schedule. Couple dates are fun and a great way to get out and do something, but make sure you schedule plenty of one-on-one dates as well. And try not to just talk about the kids the entire time. Dates should be about the two of you. Don't know what to talk about? Check out #6.
5. Spice Up Your Love Life: Now I'm not talking about doing anything crazy or illegal or anything. Just do something a little differently than you usually do. Get new lingerie, go to a hotel or bed & breakfast, make love at a different time than usual, play different music in the background, etc. Just try something different.
6. Discuss Your Dreams: Remember sitting under the stars in those early days of dating and talking about all of those things that you wanted to do in life? Do you still do that? Do you even know what your spouse wants out of life anymore? Do you even know what you want? Spend some time talking about the dreams that you both have, no matter how crazy or out there your dreams may be. Talk about places you'd like to travel to, things that you'd like to experience, what you'd like to achieve, the kind of person you'd like to become, etc.

7. Express Gratitude: Remember when you thought of all of those things that you like about your love (in #1)? Now it's time to actually tell those things to your spouse. And also thank them for everything that they are doing to help you, your family, or the household (even if you think that that's their job and that's what they're supposed to be doing and even if they never thank you for the millions of things that you do every day). Make sure you are specific when you thank or praise them. Don't just thank them for "everything they do," thank them for doing the dishes, playing with the children, going to work all day, doing the laundry, etc.
8. Serve Them: This step is HUGE! When you first start dating you are excited and energized to do anything to help out your love, to make their life better in any way. All of your energy is focused on making your love happy. You write them notes, plan fun dates, bring them flowers, compliment them, scratch their back, bring them their favorite treat, hug them, and run to do whatever chore they ask you to do. And then the distractions creep in. After a while you are more interested in your work, taking care of the children, your friends, or just yourself than you are the love of your life. And the love you have for your spouse fades until eventually you may "fall out of love," which is completely ridiculous! You can't "fall out of love" because love is a verb. If you want to love your spouse, then love them, or in other words, serve them. Put your love's happiness before your own and before everything else and you'll be amazed at how quickly you "fall back in love." You'll also be amazed at how quickly your relationship and your own happiness improve.

If you want something in your life to improve, you actually have to FOCUS on improving that thing.

So you want to have a little more passion back in your relationship? You want to feel all lovey-dovey about the love of your life again? Then FOCUS on BEING more passionate and FOCUS on the one that you LOVE.

In the Country of Men: Book Review

Reading about the way of life in an unstable and volatile country can really offer perspective. It can make you grateful for the things that you have, the little things that you take for granted.

In The Country of Men offers that perspective. It showed you the brutalities that occurred in Libya in 1979 and how the terrifying regime of that time affected the ordinary citizens of that country. Since the narrator is a nine-year-old boy, the events that take place are often misunderstood or not understood at all by the narrator but become evident to the reader over time.

I enjoyed the book and the new perspective that it gave me. I wasn't always happy with the narrator and was upset that he seemed to regress over time instead of progress. He seemed to mirror the state of the country and I guess that I just wanted him to be better than that. Overall, an informative and enjoyable read.

Fresh Starts

Studies show that most people start to make changes in their lives when they perceive a fresh start. Fresh starts can be anything that you perceive as a fresh start: a birthday, new year, new week, new month, new job, etc. Usually it involves something that we perceive as new. And these fresh starts are motivating, they get us to try to change something in our lives that we want to improve.

A new month is fast approaching which can provide you with a new fresh start, a new opportunity to improve. And I've recently heard about a technique that can be used to help you with whatever new habit you might want to try to adopt, it's called temptation bundling.

Temptation bundling is combining two things to help motivate you to stick to your new habit. For example, say that you love watching TV but you feel guilty about how much you watch and you are having a hard time exercising. You would simply combine these two activities into a temptation bundle by only allowing yourself to watch that new episode you're dying to watch if you are on a treadmill or an elliptical. This way you get to watch TV guilt-free plus you feel good about exercising.

Another temptation bundle example: only eating your favorite ice cream when your spouse and you sit down to go over the budget. You get to allow yourself a fun treat and it entices you to plan out your finances (which will enable you to have more money to buy more ice cream).

One more: You can't wait to read the latest Hunger Games novel but feel guilty hiding from your children every evening. Also, you want to try to be more active during your long work day. Bundle the two and allow yourself to listen to the novel while you take a walk during your lunch break.

So as we quickly move to a new month, take advantage of these little tips and tricks to change your behavior and enable yourself to get the best out of life. We are always happiest when we are growing and improving, so take advantage of a new-month fresh start in May and increase your happiness.

Book Review: The Silver Linings Playbook

My Goodreads group challenged us to read The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick in March so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. I actually really enjoyed this book for several reasons:

1. It was about a guy who is always looking for the silver lining. Always looking for something positive in every situation. Definitely a guy that I'd like.
2. It has a lot of football talk in it. I love football and am one of the few girls that I know that knows more about the local team than 90% of the guys I talk to. I really enjoy watching it and reading up on my favorite players. I'm constantly psyched for the start of every season and always think that this could be the year. So I totally loved that part of the book and understood how their family were only able to gel around that one thing in their lives.
3. It has a lot of physical fitness, exercising, running, dancing, etc. in the book. I love all of those things. I've never worn a sweat suit to bed, and am never going to, but I love the big part that physical activity played in the book.
4. It was a quick read that kept me interested.
5. I was rooting for the main character. This was most of the reason that I was glued to the book. I just had to see if Pat would get his silver lining. I wanted to see if things would turn out well for him in the end, and I really, really wanted them to.

There is a lot of strong language in the book that I didn't really appreciate reading, but the strong language plays true to the psychiatry of Tiffany's character. It would have been artificial to leave it out.

Overall it was a fun read. It lets you delve into the mind of a simplistic guy that's just trying to get things right even though things keep getting screwed up. It made me think about my own life and caused me to look for more silver linings. And I always love a book that inspires me to improve.

CHOOSE to be Happy

Every year we pick a theme for the new school year; something that we want to focus on as a family. This year we are focusing on choosing to be happy. And it's crazy how true that statement is. We really do CHOOSE to be happy or not. And I think that sometimes we enjoy being miserable, unhappy, or apathetic, which is CRAZY. But it's true.

Or at least it must be true if we truly do CHOOSE whether or not we are happy. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I was choosing to be unhappy. I wasn't sad or depressed or anything. I was just kind of going through the motions of life. Pushing through my day, checking off my To Do list, and getting to the end of the day exhausted. Luckily I stumbled upon a YouTube video by Andy Andrews (best selling author and motivational speaker). I love Andy Andrews and when I watched his video a light bulb went off in my head and I realized what I'd been doing. And I resolved to change.

The rest of that day I tried to smile whenever I spoke to my kids and I tried to be fun and energetic. A lot of the times my smile didn't feel natural and felt really forced, but it didn't seem to matter to my kids; they smiled back. When my husband came home that day I made a concerted effort to stop what I was doing, go and greet him with a smile, and let him know that I had missed him and was happy that he was home. And for the rest of the night I tried to remain upbeat and smiling.

The change that came over our home was palpable. Not only did I feel happier throughout the day and a lot better at the end of the day, but my entire family seemed positively affected. Everyone seemed to be happier and seemed to be having a lot more fun. And I realized how much of an effect that I have on the people around me. And I think we all do.

So the next time your spouse, your kids, your friend, your mom, etc. walks in the door, greet them with a smile and let them know that you are happy to see them. And if you're feeling that your life is a little blah and that you are just going through the motions, CHOOSE to be HAPPY. You'll be surprised at the difference it makes.

Andy Andrews Video: Choose to Be Happy

The Lost Hour or I HATE Daylight Savings Time

For those of you who live in a place where Daylight Savings Time is no longer in effect (or never was in effect), I am deeply jealous. Over the weekend our clocks jumped forward an hour and my body has been feeling it ever since. I'm having a hard time wanting to go to bed at the right hour and it feels like death to get up at the same time that I was getting up at before.

The only problem is that it isn't the same time as it was before. It's actually an hour earlier and my clock is just lying to me. But my body isn't fooled. I get up at 5:00am most days and, while it's really early, my body was used to it. In fact, on some days I would even wake up a few minutes before my alarm would go off.

Now I'm asking my body to get up an hour earlier and I'm secretly asking myself how long it will take to get used to it. It doesn't help that I was recently listening to a chapter in Nuture Shock on sleep that was relating all of the bad things that happen to you due to lack of sleep: mind doesn't work as well, self control is lessened, moodiness, irritability, don't lose weight as easily, etc. The book even pointed out that these same effects occur when the same amount of sleep is merely shifted (like when you sleep the same amount of time on the weekend but you go to bed later and get up later or when you shift sleep during Daylight Savings Time).

At this point I have to really, really disagree with my state's refusal to do away with Daylight Savings Time (http://fox13now.com/2015/02/04/the-first-daylight-saving-time-bill-in-the-utah-state-legislature-has-died/). I don't see any point in keeping it. I do see a lot of reasons why we should get rid of it. Just imagine how many hours of lost productivity and general lessened happiness occur throughout the state every time we shift all of our sleep schedules. I know that I definitely haven't been as productive since the shift. Have you?

Book Review: Silas Marner

This slow-paced, introspective novel really takes you back to another age when everyone knew everyone and life was simpler. I enjoyed immersing myself in this book and left it feeling as if I would like to spend a couple of weeks in a lonely cottage in the English countryside.

I also enjoyed all of the ideas the book left me to contemplate, mainly the idea of happiness and whether or not it grows or decreases with wealth. The book tends to point to the fact that happiness is easier to attain through simple pleasures and meaningful relationships rather than affluence. I tend to agree, but it was a good reminder to be grateful for what I have and stop reaching for the stuff that I don't.

On a side note, when are we going to start calling George Eliot by her real name? I think it's about time that Mary Ann (Marian) Evans was referred to as the author of her own books instead of the male pen name that she chose because women were not as readily accepted as authors back in her time. Just a thought.