"It it easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."
~ Josiah Charles Stamp, English Economist
In the Kids Week Jeopardy video that aired on December 3rd, Alex Trebek tells the contestant, who ended the show with $1,400 in debt, "We have bad news for you, because you're in the negative situation, it means you won't be around for Final Jeopardy, but you'll automatically pick up $1,000 for a third place finish."
Seems harmless enough, right? You wouldn't expect this kind of comment from Trebek to eventually cause him to think about leaving Jeopardy after hosting it for more than 30 years (since 1984). So, why did it? Because one mom wasn't prepared to let her child learn about consequences. Let me explain.
Though Trebek followed standard show protocol, he reportedly did not make enough of an effort to make the failed competitor feel better. He was given a lot of flak over this and was eventually asked to re-tape the last moment after the third place finisher "was visibly upset" and ran backstage. Why was this such a big deal? Because the girl's mother complained and blamed Trebek.
The mother wrote a letter to the producer explaining that she was "quite a bit taken back" by how Trebek handled the situation. "If he had taken the time, he would have known, like you do, that my daughter is not a sore loser, and does not become emotional solely over losing a game," she wrote. "She was upset about not being able to completely play the game to the end...I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that."
So the girl throws a fit because she loses the game (in which she still wins $1,000) and suddenly Alex Trebek is the one responsible? The girl, who is definitely a sore loser, embarrasses herself on TV and it's the host of the show who is to blame because he said the same thing to her that he has said to thousands of competitors before her? Seems to me that the girl's mother should spend more time teaching her child how to take responsibility for her choices and less time blaming others for her child's behavior.
Overall, responsibility seems to be a disappearing value in our society today. Adults want to take less and less of it (why get a job if the government will just give you money) and many parents don't want to teach their kids to take responsibility (it's too hard).
Society definitely isn't helping out. Our society is all about instant gratification. Credit cards allow you to buy things you haven't worked for. Video games let you get the feeling of having accomplished something without really doing anything. (I'm not knocking gamers because I really love video games, but I'm just saying.) People want to take a pill or even get surgery to magically lose weight instead of putting forth actual effort and making hard choices. Social media skews your perspective and creates an environment of instant gratification as you tweet or post about every small detail of your day. And advertising is constantly filling us with the message that we deserve what others have and that we need whatever product they are selling right now.
On the other hand, responsibility involves hard choices, patience, and work. Seems kind of bland and boring when put up to all of that glitz.
As a parent you are either struggling to teach your kids responsibility, or you are taking responsibility for them in order to protect them (which does just the opposite). Psychologist Dr. John Duffy says, "When kids learn to take responsibility, they are empowered, competent, and resilient, that they can take on the real world in an authentic way. We rob them whenever we take responsibility for their actions ourselves."
As a parent, teaching responsibility and allowing our child to reap the consequences of their actions can be a little hard because you don't like to see your child experience pain or sadness of any kind. You internally want to shield them from anything that might upset them, but doing that can be incredibly detrimental.
"If they fail to learn the responsibility lesson, kids have a very hard time transitioning into adulthood," says Dr. Duffy. "Many feel wholly disempowered and incompetent, in work and other areas of their lives, because of their lack of practice taking responsibility earlier in their lives. This is no small thing, as for many adults it leads to a lifetime failing to meet potential, which often results in feelings of depression and anxiety."
Instead, help your child become a happier and more successful adult in the future, by teaching them today that their actions have consequences and how to take responsibility for them. And, as we all know, one of the best ways to teach anything is by example.
To learn more about teaching responsibility:
- Stop the Blame Game: How to Teach Your Child to Stop Making Excuses and Start Taking Responsibility
- 9 Tips for Teaching Kids Responsibility
- Raising Responsible Kids
