My husband is my best friend, and I love that, but sometimes we can get into the rut of being just friends. Two people working side by side to raise children and sustain our household...which is nice but it's just not quite enough for me. That's not why I married him.
So how do we get back to that lovey-dovey stage? Is it even possible? Don't people always tell you that the lovey-dovey stage, or the infatuation stage, is just a stage in a relationship and that it fades? That is what everyone says, right? But just because everyone says it, does it mean it's true? NO!!!
You can get into that lovey-dovey stage again right now if you want to. You just need to want to be infatuated and you need to focus your attention on fanning the flames of passion. Here are some tips to get you started:
8 Ways to Fan the Flames:
- Focus on the Positive: Five minutes before you are going to see your significant other, whether they are coming home from work or you're coming home or whatever, think about all of the things that you like about them. If you can't come up with any current things (which hopefully you can), think about all of the things that you liked about them when you were first dating. Get yourself psyched up and excited to see them! (P.S. This works best if you actually stand up and move around. You may even want to jump around and shout a little---it'll get that adrenaline pumping.)
- Improve Your Greetings: When you meet at home at the end of the day actually get up and move in order to greet them. Put a smile on your face. Tell them how much you missed them. And actually kiss them, not just some peck on the cheek or quick kiss on the lips, but give them a kiss that means something. Quick note, they'll be pretty surprised the first time you do this.
- TALK!: Put away the iPhone, step away from the computer, click off the TV, and actually talk to your spouse. A great way to build closeness is to really talk to each other at the end of the day. Ask questions and actually be interested in the answers. Talk like you did when you first started dating, you remember that don't you?
- Date Regularly: One of the reasons that you were so lovey-dovey at the start of your relationship was because you actually went on dates. You spent time together and had fun together. Schedule a regular date time, at least once a week, and don't let anything move it off your schedule. Couple dates are fun and a great way to get out and do something, but make sure you schedule plenty of one-on-one dates as well. And try not to just talk about the kids the entire time. Dates should be about the two of you. Don't know what to talk about? Check out #6.
- Spice Up Your Love Life: Now I'm not talking about doing anything crazy or illegal or anything. Just do something a little differently than you usually do. Get new lingerie, go to a hotel or bed & breakfast, make love at a different time than usual, play different music in the background, etc. Just try something different.
- Discuss Your Dreams: Remember sitting under the stars in those early days of dating and talking about all of those things that you wanted to do in life? Do you still do that? Do you even know what your spouse wants out of life anymore? Do you even know what you want? Spend some time talking about the dreams that you both have, no matter how crazy or out there your dreams may be. Talk about places you'd like to travel to, things that you'd like to experience, what you'd like to achieve, the kind of person you'd like to become, etc.
- Express Gratitude: Remember when you thought of all of those things that you like about your love (in #1)? Now it's time to actually tell those things to your spouse. And also thank them for everything that they are doing to help you, your family, or the household (even if you think that that's their job and that's what they're supposed to be doing and even if they never thank you for the millions of things that you do every day). Make sure you are specific when you thank or praise them. Don't just thank them for "everything they do," thank them for doing the dishes, playing with the children, going to work all day, doing the laundry, etc.
- Serve Them: This step is HUGE! When you first start dating you are excited and energized to do anything to help out your love, to make their life better in any way. All of your energy is focused on making your love happy. You write them notes, plan fun dates, bring them flowers, compliment them, scratch their back, bring them their favorite treat, hug them, and run to do whatever chore they ask you to do. And then the distractions creep in. After a while you are more interested in your work, taking care of the children, your friends, or just yourself than you are the love of your life. And the love you have for your spouse fades until eventually you may "fall out of love," which is completely ridiculous! You can't "fall out of love" because love is a verb. If you want to love your spouse, then love them, or in other words, serve them. Put your love's happiness before your own and before everything else and you'll be amazed at how quickly you "fall back in love." You'll also be amazed at how quickly your relationship and your own happiness improve.
If you want something in your life to improve, you actually have to FOCUS on improving that thing.
So you want to have a little more passion back in your relationship? You want to feel all lovey-dovey about the love of your life again? Then FOCUS on BEING more passionate and FOCUS on the one that you LOVE.
